Today a dear friend gave birth to a lovely baby boy, Jude. I am so happy I have another mommy friend and cell group member. As I take a break from baby and work, I am reminded how I went through the transition to mommyhood.

I spent the last month of my pregnancy in hospital. Because of the pregnancy complication, I was expected to go into emergency c sect anytime. I had constant contractions and the show. I was almost always on a fast & I had drips poked to my veins to prepare for the emergency c sect. Because I was always in emergency mode, I had to be wheeled between normal ward and delivery suite (for closer monitoring of contractions). It was a trying one month confined to the hospital. Life wasn’t normal. Actually I lost my normalcy the moment I was pregnant. I had to be confined to bed rest during my first trimester because of bleeding.

After I gave birth, it was another one month of home confinement. Worse, I couldn’t eat a lot of things because of traditional Chinese beliefs which I wasn’t even convicted that I have to follow but all in the name of honour. No, I didn’t say this out of a rebellious attitude. No, I am not unthankful. I am thankful for the help and care given by both my mom and my mother in law. It’s just that the one month at home was horrible especially with the no bathing rule. That I couldn’t keep after the 3rd day. Oops. Shhh.

Plus the transition of having a new baby at home. A baby who requires feeding every 2 hours and in between, you need to change her and cuddle her and put her to sleep. It literally translated me to a machine, needless of sleep. Mothers told me I could do it. Somehow we could get by with just 1-2 hours of sleep. And yes, I did that. I am glad Izzie learnt to sleep through at her 3rd month. Thank God for that.

The transition of being pregnant to being a new mother…it must have been the greatest struggle I faced so far in my whole life. All those good pregnancy hormones (that kept me in a happy bubble) went away with birth and I was plagued with post natal blues. It was a big big struggle. The blues were real. I would cry when I am alone and when I am with hubby. I just couldn’t share with the moms. Looking back, I thank God I’ve got God with me throughout. It wasn’t easy dealing with all those feelings, all things that weren’t right, all the new challenges, plus added stresses that the moms gave (though it wasn’t their intention i am sure). I thank God for very good mama friends whom I can share with and they care enough to share the truth with love to me. I had two projects that helped me come out of blues: 1. Project wash soft toys collection and build shelves for them 2. Project clean the house and take ownership of house and family and baby. I got through blues being stronger.

Now that Izzie is 11 months, there are other sets of challenges that I need to face. I guess in every stage of life, we would have challenges to overcome. I think they are what make life interesting and bring growth into our lives. Did I regret being a mother? No!!! Yes I may complain…yes I may be tired…yes I may not be as available as I used to be…yes I may not be the friend who is always there for my friends but that’s part of being me, being real at this season of life. I have chosen to be a mom and I will choose to be happy, to be joyful, to be thankful for what God has blessed me with. I will allow myself to grow into a better mom each and every day.