Izzie is sleeping as I type this blog entry. What a bliss! I can have the freedom to do what I like to do. This is the second week that I am looking after her alone at home since her hospital discharge. It has been Frustrating (fussy during meal times, crying for attention A LOT of the time) yet Funny (to see some of her reactions), Demanding yet it shows me the Dedication required, Tiring yet it shows me the Tenacity required, and Sedentary (i am definitely not a homely person) yet Satisfying, Sweet and Special. I will not trade motherhood for anything.
One theme ran across this season of life. That is gratefulness. My boss knows about my situation and wrote to the management to allow me to work from home. The management has graciously allowed me to work from home whenever I need to until Izzie’s condition is corrected and stabilised. Since Izzie’s first hospitalisation, I have been in a panic mode and in a dilemma. To me, family always comes first before work. I am always very ready to put aside my work to attend to Izzie. Yet it doesn’t mean that work is not important to me. I like working. It gives me some space of my own and bring normalcy and sanity to my life. But I am torn whenever Izzie is sick.
Sometimes I wonder should I give up my job to just take care of Izzie? At least the first 3 years of her life? Can we afford it to just have a sole breadwinner?
Sometimes I wonder with all the insanity should we just hire a maid?
Sometimes I wonder why is it that I don’t have free time? How about me time? Why do I have to attend to her every need?
Sometimes I wonder if I let her cry while I do the needful things, am I neglecting her? Will she grow up with a sense of security?
Sometimes I wonder am I doing the right things?
Sometimes I wonder if others struggle like me in relating to family members?
Sometimes I wonder am I just not adaptable? Not accepting? Not fast enough for action?
I think they are very valid questions and every couple has to talk through stuff. There are decisions to be made. There are changes to be made.
PERSPECTIVE
- “If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don’t fuss about what’s on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds. “Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them. …