I have always been a firm believer of how you leave will determine how you enter. When 2012 was ending, I made a decision to be at peace in my heart eventhough the year has been an emotional roller coaster. I will forget 2012’s victories and failures/heartaches.

What do I want to choose for 2013? Let 2013 be a new beginning to same old brand new me. Let God alone be my source of hope & peace. My inner man has to grow stronger like never before.

The year is coming to an end in exactly a week’s time. Did I accomplish my goals for this year? Honestly, I did not set any goals this year. However, my life took a dramatic change this year. The year started with me being pregnant, then it was bed rest with the risk of miscarriage because of heavy bleeding. Towards the end of my first trimester, things became better. I went back to work and shortly after, I changed jobs. From a job nature of video editing, I dealt with a lot of admin and though it was tough initially, I grew to love what I did. When I just crossed into my third trimester, complications arose and I had to be hospitalized for a month. My emotions went roller coaster since then.

Izzie was delivered on 1 Aug 2012 at week 34. From being pregnant, I became a mommy. My family now included a little bub who needed to be fed every two hourly even throughout the night. There were changes to my body after giving birth. I had to be home confined and my food was restricted until Izzie turned one month old. It was tiring and depressing. I was discharged from a month’s stay at the hospital only to find myself being confined in my home for another month. It was such an emotionally challenging time to fit into my role and to care for a preemie. I suffered from post natal blues and there were mommy friends who looked out for me and helped me go through it.

By the third month of my maternity, I was getting used to my role and bonded well with bub. It was time to go back to work half days. Yet another transition and challenge. I felt torn between bub and work. I was struggling to go to work. My job description had totally changed again. It was a hard time of adjustment.

Then the exhaustion I felt…the boundaries & threats…the lost ‘me’…

Many changes in a year. Sometimes I wonder how in the world did I go through 2012. It hasn’t been easy but I just want to thank God for giving me more than sufficient grace and strength and for family and for sending Godly friends who helped me along the way.

This year ….
A year of challenges and valley moments.
A year which God showed me who my friends were and sent me genuine new friends.
A year which I receive the most precious gift from God.
A year which I grew closer to God by relying on Him.
A year of surrender and trust.
A year of closer bonding with the hubby as we went through tough times together.

2013. Let it be a better year. Same old brand new Debbie. > AQ

I have been feeling heavy hearted for a while now. The other night I had a dream about the issue and it made actual tears flow down while I was sleeping. Yesterday I hitched a ride from Suntec to Expo after work and thought of taking a direct bus home. I missed the bus and decided to walk home instead. It was a good 45 mins walk. I prayed and sang to God. I nearly burst out crying on the road!
I knew we needed to talk about the issue yet I felt I haven’t given myself enough time to come to a conclusion. Today we talked casually about it. I felt better. I need grace. I need to be humble and faithful over little things, believing and confessing for greater things to come. Renew my mind. Strengthen my heart. Let love be the greatest motivation in me.

I am aiming to finish my bible reading plan. I didn’t make it last year. I will make it happen this year! Yeah!

The year is coming to an end and I would like it to end with thanksgiving.

This year started with excitement when my second pee stick showed + again on New Year’s Day. The pregnancy journey wasn’t exactly an easy journey but there were precious memorable moments like when we first saw Isabel’s baby sac, heard her heartbeats, saw her nose, saw her head and her body and later her fingers, and her face on ultrasound scans. I felt an undescribable joy when I first felt her fetal movements while I was napping. I remembered it came in three ‘knocks’. 🙂

Bleeding was worrying during the first trimester. Excessive weight gain was worrying during the last trimester. I was warded in the hospital for one month before delivery and Isabel was born one month premature due to pregnancy complications. It was a tough time but I was very thankful to God and for the angels He sent.

(Not in order of their importance to me because everyone of them is precious)

Our parents for offering financial support and moms for cooking nice food and soups for me during my pregnancy, my hospital stay and confinement.

Pastor Aries who came for home visit in Feb during my bed rest and made me feel like Jesus visited me and touched me. His prayers and encouragements are very appreciated.

Ruth Quek for coming to my house to accompany me during bed rest and cooking soups for me. Thanks for visiting me in the hospital too.

Ja for coming to my house to accompany me during bed rest and buying nice mee soto for me and coming to my home during my maternity leave to be a friend.

Fengling for calling me late in the night and praying with me when I was feeling scared and the emails she wrote to me to encourage me. Thanks for your generous gifts to me and Izzie!

Karen Chua who has been there for me since the beginning and who prayed with me and reached out to me in my lowest point during the complicated pregnancy. That God moment was so real when I felt Jesus was crying with me and He feels every heartache inside me. Thank you for the many times you bought macs breakfast for me just to cheer me up. Thank you also for offering your broadcast service and for being my “husband” for two hours in the delivery suite. Thank you for the home visits and for the times you ferry me home.

Christine, Joseph and Wanxia for accompanying us throughout the day when the hour long amniocentesis was done. Wanxia for the blueberries and soya bean milk you got for me and getting William to buy me YAMI yoghurt! 🙂

TV1 for your love offering, prayers and visitations.

Jus for your daily encouraging verse & Joanna for your beautiful flowers and presence.

Suraj for your words of wisdom and medical advice. Thank you for speaking joy to my soul. Thank you for the Cedele carrot cake and joke book.

Menghow for your prayers and presence. Because of your prayer, I saw a vision of Izzie’s face before she was born.

Dr Lim ML for your tender loving care throughout my stay at KKH. Your words brought comfort to me in the worst times.

William Ally & Emma We are very touched by your visits and encouragements. Emma is such a joyful baby!!

Marina for always looking out for me and praying with me. Thank you for the home visits and hospital visits. You made me feel it’s ok to have feelings and be truthful about them especially with post natal blues.

Wendy, you are God-sent. You always ask how I was doing. You prayed with me, visited me, encouraged me, fasted for Izzie… What have I done to deserve a genuine friend?

My dearest hubby. I would have given up a long time ago if not for you. The many days I had to stay in delivery suite. It was the worst nightmare. There were so many times I stung but you continued to be patient, to be strong, to be loving towards me. I really appreciate the moments we read psalms to Izzie and prayed with her even before she was born. I appreciate you for bringing me to KKH mall. Thank you for taking care of my heart during the difficult times.

Of cos Izzie for bringing so much joy in our lives! You are a beautiful miracle baby, our champion and we love you lots!!!

Ending 2012 with thanksgiving…