Monthly Archives: May 2015

Saturday with my darling

Yesterday was the last day Isabel would be attending My World @ Sims. She would start next week in a new childcare nearer our home. We made that painful decision because it was getting difficult to travel with Isabel from home on the bus for an hour before she reaches childcare. She would often get very restless and fidgety on the bus. We were just feeling a little sentimental to have to pull her out of a good childcare that we have grown accustomed to. Her teacher, Teacher Sha gave her a farewell gift. How sweet!

 

B and I have been telling Isabel that she would be attending a new school next week. So today I decided to bring her to her new school to just familiarize her to the surroundings and I let her play at the playground nearby. When I showed her her new school which she went in once before, she told me that she wanted to go in and cried when I told her that we were not going in today. *sweat*
  
I allowed Izzie to play at the playground for a while. Initially she didn’t dare walk on the “slippery bridge” and I had to hold her hand to walk through the bridge twice before she was confident enough to do it on her own. I am so proud of my girl. 🙂

Next we went for lunch. It was such a hot weather and the forgetful me didn’t bring her water bottle. While having lunch, she kept asking for soup. Then when I ordered water for her, she drank a whole cup in one sitting. Sorry babe, mommy forgot your water bottle

Izzie drank one and a half cups of water. ;P

 

After lunch, we got some stuff and Izzie insisted on carrying the bags. I felt like a happy girlfriend on a shopping spree without needing to carry the shopping bags. Hehe

   

When we reached home I asked, “Izzie, do u like your new school?”

She said, “No!” 

Then I asked, “Do you like the playground near your school?”

She said, “Yes!”

I asked her again, “Do you like your new school?”

She said, “Yes!”

Hahaha

reasoning

Isabel has been on a crying spell recently. Very minor things will make her cry. Like when she couldn’t wear her shoes by herself, or when she couldn’t wear a dress to bed, or when she couldn’t wear her tiara to shower, or when she had to wait to eat food/drink milk or when she couldn’t wear a dress to school. It has been so bad I suspect her phlegm build up this time is caused by her constant crying. 

As much as I am frustrated, I couldn’t do nothing and ask her to get over it. I had to stoop down to her level and speak to her and reason with her. It IS torturous. Especially on the mental capacity. I realized my mental capacity have to expand!!! I also realized Izzie is beginning to understand my reasoning. Just the other day, she was throwing a tantrum during dinner that she didn’t want to eat the dinner cooked by grandma. She wanted biscuits instead. So I said, “Okay, no dinner for you and you will have no milk too”. She will usually drink milk before bedtime. She cried and said she wanted to eat dinner there and then! She was so cooperative during dinner too although we could see she was struggling so much not to cry. 

This is the age of awakening. I need to be even more conscious with what I say and do because Izzie will learn by observation. May I be used to point her to God every single day. 

  
Note: up to now, we have not used the cane on Izzie. 

I choose me

Most of my life has been spent trying to shrink myself. Trying to become smaller. Quieter. Less sensitive. Less opinionated. Less needy. Less me. Because I didn’t want to be a burden. I didn’t want to be too much or push people away. I wanted people to like me. I wanted to be cared for and valued. I wanted to be wanted. So for years, I sacrificed myself for the sake of making other people happy. And for years, I suffered. But I’m tired of suffering, and I’m done shrinking. It’s not my job to change who I am in order to become someone else’s idea of a worthwhile human being. I am worthwhile. Not because other people think I am, but because I exist, and therefore I matter. My thoughts matter. My feelings matter. My voice matters. And with or without anyone’s permission or approval, I will continue to be who I am and speak my truth. Even if it makes people angry. Even if it makes them uncomfortable. Even if they choose to leave. I refuse to shrink. I choose to take up space. I choose to honour my feelings. I choose to give myself permission to get my needs met. I choose to make self-care a priority. I choose me.
Daniell Koepke
I could relate very well to the above quote. I had been a pleaser and sacrificial but deep down, I wasn’t really happy. It was only quite recently that I gave myself space and allow myself to acknowledge that my feelings matter and I choose to honor my feelings. Not  saying that I’m ruled by my feelings but rather being able to say and tell someone that I am not okay and that is okay. 

Having come from a creative dept background, my work schedule had been very flexible. Moving on to an administrative support dept since I got pregnant till now, I am still struggling to keep the 9-6pm working hours and the rigidity of work. I found it hard to fit into that image because I really do not like to be desk-bound. Although I have the qualities needed for the job, my spirit want something more than the mundane. I want to do more. Yet I am limited now because of my motherly responsibilities. Oh God, help me manage what I feel and what I want and where I serve best. Mould me and change me to serve Your purpose.  

 

Happy that my darling is happy 

Movie date: Pitch Perfect 2

B and I went for a movie date yesterday. We watched Pitch Perfect 2 and enjoyed it very much. 

After Isabel fell asleep last night, we continued to watch Pitch Perfect 1. I, very much a movie-deprived mom, enjoyed myself thoroughly. 

Thank you B for “forcing” me to watch a movie with you ;P

  

Where did my baby go?

It dawned upon me that Isabel is indeed growing up. 

Today before we changed her to jammies, she told me that she wanted to wear a dress to sleep. I asked if a particular dress was okay. She looked at it and agreed. So I took the dress out of her cupboard and put it on the sofa bed.  

When daddy changed her, he didn’t have a clue what agreement she had with me. She protested and screamed when he changed her. She refused to wear the long sleeves jammies top. She insisted on wearing the dress on the sofa bed and daddy managed to persuade her to wear the long pants jammies with her dress. As she sleeps in an air-conditioned room, I told her that she has to put on a thin jacket at the very least. She agreed. So tada, my almost 3 YO girl went to bed like that tonight. 

I’m glad that Isabel is asserting her independence and opinion but I also miss the times where she doesn’t have a say. 😛

Don’t grow up too fast, darling. 

  

  

This was my late night indulgence last week: sugarless plain yoghurt with blueberries, persimmon, dried cranberries, chickpeas and kinder choc. Hehe!  

   

Last Saturday’s lunch. As you can see from the photos, Isabel was really happy with her lunch. 

  
Today’s lunch was good!! Isabel finished it without any fuss. Why am I extremely thrilled when she has no fuss during mealtimes? Because there was once a very very difficult time of solid feeding. She was extremely fussy with her food. I am thanking God that she has passed that phase and is now more accepting of a variety of food. 

Just before her nap, Izzie asked to hold my hand. I hope she will find comfort in me even when she is older. 

Izzie, I enjoy Saturdays with you a lot. Thank you for being easy on me. You are such a joyful child with a heart of gold. Mommy loves you, darling. 

  

  

The past few days we have been driving because Joseph went overseas and decided to lend us his car. What a blessing to be able to enjoy the privacy and convenience of having a car. Thankful for the break in routine of taking public transport. 🙂